Embracing Our Inner Protectors: A Journey from Isolation to Connection: Denver, CO

Stories connect us and remind us we're not alone.

Yet, they often remain hidden, silenced by the fear of judgment and ridicule.

I often talk to clients about how certain events in our lives can create beliefs—stories that shape our view of the world.

These beliefs can give rise to new parts of ourselves, parts created to protect us in a world where that belief now exists.

While this might sound abstract, it has very real implications.

The Concept

When we experience a relational injury, it can lead to a new belief about ourselves and the world.

This belief may then create a fragmented part of ourselves, a part designed to protect us in this new reality.

Personal Example

I grew up very poor, raised by my single mom, who struggled with complex trauma, a personality disorder, and addiction.

When I was 12—a critical time in my development—A devasting event occurred and I was suddenly taken away to live with my dad and stepmom, who were of a higher socioeconomic class.

That was the last time I ever saw my mom. 

At 13, I started at a new school and joined the poms squad.

There were only about 10 girls on the team. 

All their moms would come to socialize and watch at our practices...Except for mine (obviously).

One day, I arrived at practice to find all the girls giddily planning to attend an upcoming concert.

Everyone was going—except me.

Naively, I asked one of the moms why I wasn’t invited.

She said in the sweetest voice, "Oh honey, all of us moms planned this for our girls, but you didn’t have a mom here."

Ugh...

That day, a new belief was born: "Rich women are bad and selfish people."

To be clear, my concept of "rich" was simply middle class.

Was this a rational belief? No.

But in my 13-year-old mind, I saw nine adult women from similar backgrounds hurting me when I was already in excruciating pain.

At 13, this new belief formed, and a part of me was created that day.

I call her "Trailer Park Erika." And Trailer Park Erika emits repellent behavior to keep women who may hurt the real Erika away.

She comes out when I'm around women who remind me of that day.

Trailer Park Erika was created unconsciously to protect me from ever being blindsided by rejection like that again.

Her intention has always been to protect me and keep me safe from the deep pain I experienced that day.

But in her effort to protect me, she has kept me isolated, lonely, and disconnected from most people.

She has not allowed me to develop close relationships with women from privilege.

At this point in my life, this belief and Trailer Park Erika are no longer protecting me but actually hurting me.

This is where the concept of Internal Family Systems (IFS) and self-leadership comes in.

Now, as the adult, the true Erika, I can take that 13-year-old Trailer Park Erika in a loving embrace and let her know: "I am here now. I am in charge, and I’ve got this. Thank you for your service and everything you’ve done to try to protect me. But I will be okay now. You can lay down and rest."

Call to Action

We all carry stories and beliefs shaped by our past experiences, some of which may no longer serve us in the present.

Take a moment to reflect on the parts of yourself that were created to protect you during challenging times.

Are they still helping you, or are they holding you back from forming deeper connections and living authentically?

If you’ve recognized a part of yourself that’s been holding on to old beliefs in an effort to protect you, maybe it’s time to offer that part some compassion.

Healing begins when we acknowledge these protective parts and gently guide them to rest.

If you’re ready to explore your own story, break free from limiting beliefs, and develop healthier relationships with yourself and others, I invite you to reach out.

Let’s walk this healing journey together. You deserve to feel connected, understood, and whole. Visit www.denverattachmentcounseling.com to schedule your first session.

Remember, healing begins when we bring our hidden stories into the light and embrace all parts of ourselves with compassion and understanding.

Attachment Trauma Therapist, EMDR, IFS, Attachment Theory

Written by:

Erika Baum, M.A. Clinical Mental Health Counseling, LPCC, NCC

EMDR-Trained

Denver, Castle Rock, Englewood, Colorado