Comparing Ourselves to Others

If you want to feel miserable, compare yourself to someone else.

But why would anyone want to do that?

The truth is, you probably already do it without even realizing it.

One of the ways we unknowingly harm ourselves is by comparing ourselves to others. It might seem like a harmless observation, sometimes even motivating. But when comparisons become habitual, obsessive, or frequent, they can take a toll on our mental well-being. This habit of comparison is a fast track to misery, robbing us of the ability to fully enjoy our own lives. You might find yourself feeling depressed, demotivated, or disconnected without understanding why.

Comparing ourselves to others not only distances us from our true selves but also hinders our ability to connect authentically with others.

Is there ever a time when comparison is helpful?

Comparing ourselves to our past or potential future selves can be a powerful tool for self-assessment and motivation. For example, when I look at my current fitness level compared to where I used to be, I feel a sense of accomplishment and gratitude. This kind of comparison helps me recognize my growth and motivates me to continue.

How to move beyond unhelpful comparisons...

The next time you catch yourself comparing yourself to someone else, pause and notice the thought. Instead of judging it, ask yourself: What am I feeling as this thought enters my mind? What underlying need is this thought pointing to? How can I meet this need in a way that serves my well-being?

For instance:

• Thought: "That woman is so much prettier than me."

• Noticing my feeling: "Right now, I’m feeling insecure and envious."

• Identifying the need: "I need acceptance and appreciation for my own beauty."

• Self-request: "Am I willing to accept and appreciate my own beauty?"

Download a list of feelings and needs [here].

I'd love to hear your thoughts! Please share below in the comments!

Cheers!

Erika Baum

baumclinicalcounseling@gmail.com

As a Denver-based therapist, I specialize in relational and attachment trauma counseling, helping adults across Colorado heal from past emotional wounds and build strong, fulfilling relationships. I integrate spiritual principles with evidence-based techniques like EMDR to guide clients on their journey toward emotional resilience and well-being. My practice is dedicated to fostering meaningful connections and supporting clients in overcoming the challenges that impact their relationships and mental health.