4 Subtypes of Borderline Personality Disorder with Compassion

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a deeply complex and often misunderstood mental health condition. People living with BPD experience intense emotions, struggle with self-image, and may have difficulty maintaining stable relationships. However, BPD is not a one-size-fits-all diagnosis—everyone experiences it differently.

For me, this topic is deeply personal. My mother had BPD, and throughout her life, she struggled to receive proper treatment and understanding from those around her. Her behavior was often destructive and painful—not because she was inherently a bad person, but because she was suffering.

In many ways, her life was hell on earth, filled with turmoil that might have been alleviated if she had gotten the help she needed earlier. I truly believe that if the people around her had understood what was going on, and if she had access to the right support, she could have experienced more stability, healing, and hope.

This is why I’m passionate about educating others on BPD—so that more people can recognize the signs, seek help, and offer understanding to those who need it most.

To help understand the diverse ways BPD can present, researchers have identified four primary subtypes. This information comes from Dr. Ramani Durvasula in her interview with MedCircle.

These subtypes are not rigid categories but rather different patterns of coping with emotional pain. By learning about them, we can foster greater empathy and offer better support to those affected.

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1️⃣ The Impulsive Subtype

This subtype is often energetic, spontaneous, and charismatic but struggles with impulsivity and emotional instability. People with this presentation may:

🔥 Engage in risky behaviors without considering consequences.

🌟 Crave excitement and stimulation.

💬 Seek attention or validation to feel secure.

Despite the challenges, individuals with this subtype often have a magnetic personality and a strong sense of adventure. With the right support, they can channel their energy into positive outlets and cultivate emotional balance.

2️⃣ The Petulant Subtype

Those with this subtype experience deep frustration, irritability, and feelings of unworthiness. They may:

⚡ Become easily discouraged or impatient.

🤨 Express emotions in passive-aggressive ways.

💔 Struggle with self-esteem and feel misunderstood.

This subtype often masks a deep fear of rejection. By offering patience, validation, and reassurance, loved ones can help individuals with this presentation feel more secure and valued.

3️⃣ The Discouraged Subtype

People with this subtype may appear quiet, introverted, or overly reliant on others. Their struggles often include:

😔 Deep fears of abandonment.

🙇 Difficulty asserting themselves.

🕳 Chronic feelings of emptiness and self-doubt.

These individuals may feel lost and disconnected, but with compassionate support and therapy, they can build self-confidence and find their own inner strength.

4️⃣ The Self-Destructive Subtype

This subtype is characterized by self-sabotaging behaviors and deep emotional pain. Those affected may:

🔪 Engage in self-harm or reckless behavior.

😞 Struggle with intense guilt, shame, and hopelessness.

🚫 Feel undeserving of happiness or success.

Rather than seeking attention, these individuals are often overwhelmed by their own emotions. They need understanding, not judgment—reminders that they are worthy of love, support, and a future filled with hope.

💛 Moving Forward with Understanding

No matter which subtype someone may identify with (or if they don’t fit neatly into any), BPD is a condition that deserves compassion, not stigma. With therapy, support, and self-care, people with BPD can build fulfilling, stable lives. If you or someone you love is struggling, reaching out for help is a powerful and courageous step.

💙 Everyone deserves to be seen, heard, and valued—especially those who feel the most misunderstood.

Written by:

Erika Baum, M.A. Clinical Mental Health Counseling, LPCC, NCC

EMDR-Trained

Denver, Castle Rock, Englewood, Colorado